Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
