i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
