I accidentally had phone sex last night
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
