Michael Bay diarrhea
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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