Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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