You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
