No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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