did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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