someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
