I'm going to jail i love you
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She said her name was "party"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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