she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
