I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
