shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
