Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
