She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
