I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
