I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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