i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
