dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
