Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
