She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
