someone threw a dead crab at me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
