this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
