How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
