i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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