I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
