Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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