I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
