Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
