So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
