i permit you to call me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
