Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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