I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
