Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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