i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
