i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
