you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
