The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
