The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
