I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
