I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
