you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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