apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
