you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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