did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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