idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
