I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
