Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
