im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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