fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I didn't shave. On purpose
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
