You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
